People often complain that I tend to be very mundane and preachy. A sermon is the last thing one expects from someone like me. On the surface, I have always been the one with life trickling down his eyes, all embossed in festivity and never letting sorrow get the better of me. It's time to shed that cloak forever. I have put on that veil of happiness long enough . Deep down , I am dying. A slow but certain death. I am dying with every passing minute. The falseness of the world is killing me. And the worst thing is that the dome of situations encircling me has led me to condescend to such a low standard that sometimes I am ashamed of myself.
I am only a shadow of what I used to be. Anger, Jealousy, hopelessness is turning me diabolic. All of you would pour sympathy on me and drench me with your concerns. Or even leave me unscathed inside the refuse of my own being.
I am retiring from everything. In the lookout for my lost soul. Till I find everything that eludes me now, I won't return here. A prolonged wait in store? May be... but sometimes it is better to stop than to keep moving into the shallow marshes.
Adios.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
written on April Fool's Day!
"The page was lying lonely, blank
Until I decided to play a little prank! "
Back then on that day, it sounded stupid and just made-up. On a second read ( in fact several!! Poets always love their own creation..:P), I think fate metes out the same treatment to each of our barren lives. It always comes up with something that would knock you off, stir you back to action.
Until I decided to play a little prank! "
Back then on that day, it sounded stupid and just made-up. On a second read ( in fact several!! Poets always love their own creation..:P), I think fate metes out the same treatment to each of our barren lives. It always comes up with something that would knock you off, stir you back to action.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Q&A
1. Were you named after anyone?
No. Mom was doing her masters in sociology and I happened. She and her friends sat down and christened me over a cup of tea and samosas. A name to carry all my life was given to me in an evening roost. The word, as mom explains, kept recurring in her textbooks...it just got stamped on me.
2. When was the last time you cried?
It is plain clockwork. I see something sad and tears roll down. In my moments of quietus, I weep over a whole lot of things. And only strong people cry. Weak people swear and yell.
3. Do you like your handwriting?
Absolutely!! Cursive when I am all on my heels... when I am not listening ..I don't write at all.
4. What is your favorite lunch meal?
Any chicken delicacy. I would have loved to be a pure veggie..but the yummy chicken won't ever let me do it.
5. Do you have kids?
Nah!!
6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Hell Yeah!!
7. Do you use sarcasm?
Have been caustic in my old times. But then figured out that sarcasm is just a cloak for the cowards who know not how to say things directly and with apt conviction.
8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Yes. And they trouble me with the slightest hint of weather change.
9. Would you bungee jump?
Chicken-hearted..(!!!)... me. Nope.
10. What is your favorite cereal
Bred on hay(!!) and bread. Never really liked the idea of cereals.
11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Depends on my level of energy. After a hard day's cricket match, I never feel like taking them off in a routine fashion. I toss them ..as soon as I can.
12. If you were to pick your own first name, what would it be?
I love my name. But if I were to change it willy-nilly, I would like to take one of Lord Krishna's names.
13. What is your favorite ice cream?
Anything involving even a crumb of chocolate. Also pineapple cake is a favorite.
14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Just listen to them. Lend them your voice when they want to hear you. That is the only attention you need to give to the other party.
15. Red or pink?
Dark Red has something very sensual about it.
16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself
Perhaps I don't take criticism in a proper way and get all fumed.
17. Whom do you miss the most?
Friends. Family. Loneliness. I never leave any of them alone for a long....somehow they always find me.
18. Do you want everyone to complete this list?
Yep. That at least would test their patience, if anything!!
19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
Blue Denim and a dark green shirt.
21. What are you listening to right now?
Learning to Fly ..Pink Floyd.
22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Blue
23. Favorite smells?
The aroma of the soil after the first shower, flowers and colognes. But I wish I was programmed to take in even the obnoxious smell of poverty inside me. That would have been something. The smell of the masses.
24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
I think it was mom.
25. How do you know the person who sent this to you
Actually...I got myself tagged from Snow.
26. Favorite sports to watch?
Lawn Tennis...Football and t20 cricket.
27. Hair color?
Pitch Black.
28. Eye color?
Black
29. Do you wear contacts?
Nope.
30. Favorite foods?
Chicken.
31. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings. At least ..in movies endings must be beautiful In real life, things end on a sad note.
32. Last movie you watched?
Slumdog Millionaire. For all the buzz it had created. I wasn't disappointed.
33. What color shirt are you wearing?
Green.
34. Summer or winter
Winter. For all its warmth and time it gives me to think and introspect.
35. Hugs or kisses
Hugs. Never been kissed. Never have kissed. Although I have had pretty warm hugs in the past.
37. Describe your pencil cup
Its a steel one. Gifted by two of the best buddies on my b'day.
38. Favorite artist(s)?
I am not an art person. But Leonardo Da Vinci was a genius.
39. What book are you reading now?
Two simultaneously. "Chicken soup for the soul" and " Gone with the wind"
40. What is on your mouse pad?
It is a plain black mouse.
41. What did you watch on tv last night?
All the news about the Oscars. And the Slumdog's juggernaut.
42. Favorite sound(s).
Songs hummed by me in my moment of solitude. Otherwise Pink Floyd and Kishore Da have me spellbound.
43. Rolling stones or Beatles?
Beatles.
44. What is the farthest you have been from home?
1776 kms to be precise. From one corner of my country to another.
45. Do you have a special talent?
Everyone has a talent for survival.
46. Where were u born?
Muzaffarpur, Bihar.
47. Favorite piece of jewelry?
Oye..I am a boy.
48. How did you meet your spouse/significant other?
It's a catch. I am not answering this. Lets say it was a sublime moment.
49. Favorite song?
Hard to zero on.
50. Favorite musical?
Certainly not Yuvraaj. :p
I have not been to any Broadway show yet.
Ok. I tag Vivek, Afaque.
No. Mom was doing her masters in sociology and I happened. She and her friends sat down and christened me over a cup of tea and samosas. A name to carry all my life was given to me in an evening roost. The word, as mom explains, kept recurring in her textbooks...it just got stamped on me.
2. When was the last time you cried?
It is plain clockwork. I see something sad and tears roll down. In my moments of quietus, I weep over a whole lot of things. And only strong people cry. Weak people swear and yell.
3. Do you like your handwriting?
Absolutely!! Cursive when I am all on my heels... when I am not listening ..I don't write at all.
4. What is your favorite lunch meal?
Any chicken delicacy. I would have loved to be a pure veggie..but the yummy chicken won't ever let me do it.
5. Do you have kids?
Nah!!
6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Hell Yeah!!
7. Do you use sarcasm?
Have been caustic in my old times. But then figured out that sarcasm is just a cloak for the cowards who know not how to say things directly and with apt conviction.
8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Yes. And they trouble me with the slightest hint of weather change.
9. Would you bungee jump?
Chicken-hearted..(!!!)... me. Nope.
10. What is your favorite cereal
Bred on hay(!!) and bread. Never really liked the idea of cereals.
11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Depends on my level of energy. After a hard day's cricket match, I never feel like taking them off in a routine fashion. I toss them ..as soon as I can.
12. If you were to pick your own first name, what would it be?
I love my name. But if I were to change it willy-nilly, I would like to take one of Lord Krishna's names.
13. What is your favorite ice cream?
Anything involving even a crumb of chocolate. Also pineapple cake is a favorite.
14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Just listen to them. Lend them your voice when they want to hear you. That is the only attention you need to give to the other party.
15. Red or pink?
Dark Red has something very sensual about it.
16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself
Perhaps I don't take criticism in a proper way and get all fumed.
17. Whom do you miss the most?
Friends. Family. Loneliness. I never leave any of them alone for a long....somehow they always find me.
18. Do you want everyone to complete this list?
Yep. That at least would test their patience, if anything!!
19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
Blue Denim and a dark green shirt.
21. What are you listening to right now?
Learning to Fly ..Pink Floyd.
22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Blue
23. Favorite smells?
The aroma of the soil after the first shower, flowers and colognes. But I wish I was programmed to take in even the obnoxious smell of poverty inside me. That would have been something. The smell of the masses.
24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
I think it was mom.
25. How do you know the person who sent this to you
Actually...I got myself tagged from Snow.
26. Favorite sports to watch?
Lawn Tennis...Football and t20 cricket.
27. Hair color?
Pitch Black.
28. Eye color?
Black
29. Do you wear contacts?
Nope.
30. Favorite foods?
Chicken.
31. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings. At least ..in movies endings must be beautiful In real life, things end on a sad note.
32. Last movie you watched?
Slumdog Millionaire. For all the buzz it had created. I wasn't disappointed.
33. What color shirt are you wearing?
Green.
34. Summer or winter
Winter. For all its warmth and time it gives me to think and introspect.
35. Hugs or kisses
Hugs. Never been kissed. Never have kissed. Although I have had pretty warm hugs in the past.
37. Describe your pencil cup
Its a steel one. Gifted by two of the best buddies on my b'day.
38. Favorite artist(s)?
I am not an art person. But Leonardo Da Vinci was a genius.
39. What book are you reading now?
Two simultaneously. "Chicken soup for the soul" and " Gone with the wind"
40. What is on your mouse pad?
It is a plain black mouse.
41. What did you watch on tv last night?
All the news about the Oscars. And the Slumdog's juggernaut.
42. Favorite sound(s).
Songs hummed by me in my moment of solitude. Otherwise Pink Floyd and Kishore Da have me spellbound.
43. Rolling stones or Beatles?
Beatles.
44. What is the farthest you have been from home?
1776 kms to be precise. From one corner of my country to another.
45. Do you have a special talent?
Everyone has a talent for survival.
46. Where were u born?
Muzaffarpur, Bihar.
47. Favorite piece of jewelry?
Oye..I am a boy.
48. How did you meet your spouse/significant other?
It's a catch. I am not answering this. Lets say it was a sublime moment.
49. Favorite song?
Hard to zero on.
50. Favorite musical?
Certainly not Yuvraaj. :p
I have not been to any Broadway show yet.
Ok. I tag Vivek, Afaque.
Friday, February 6, 2009
...Pointless...
* The boy is safe. And my friend is all smiles. The lever malfunction was coolly treated by the docs. Here is a high five for you docs.
*This is one of those dry patches which hits every blogger. Dearth of ideas, lack of drive, shortage of words. I have very queer notions about this phase which many of you might even find derogatory or plain rubbish. Whatever..but there's gotta be some way to come out of this. Please drop in your hands in the river to save this drowning man.
*Studies are going okay. So all those ballistic and terrifying names of courses Quantum Mechanics, Non linear Dynamics and blah blah.. are on my plate this time. And they don't seem too unpalatable as they are made out to be.
* Had a low key class presentation today and it went well. So what's so peculiar about that? Actually from now on , every little success would be celebrated. So I am taking some friends of mine for a coffee at the BARISTA's. All these little things which we forget to rejoice ... in our life-long trail of the eternal joy.. really should not be allowed to slip past us... get hold of them and kiss every joy that comes your way.
* This calls for a hurray. Finally I have incorporated neatness and organization back into my life. Although I miss my shabby clothes and cluttered table like anything ..still there is a certain divinity in being clean. Scheming things well in advance leaves you asking for that thrill which uncertainty throws at you ... but at least all the uncalled for sorrows also get a good bye. Its real nice to sleep on a clean bed without a pen pinching against your back all night!!
*Caravan ..our Annual one day event is due and I am eager to get a seat and enjoy it. A bit of hooting.. some melodrama.. some perky numbers being danced upon..it makes at least one gloomy evening..... Okay.. Musical..is the word.
*This is one of those dry patches which hits every blogger. Dearth of ideas, lack of drive, shortage of words. I have very queer notions about this phase which many of you might even find derogatory or plain rubbish. Whatever..but there's gotta be some way to come out of this. Please drop in your hands in the river to save this drowning man.
*Studies are going okay. So all those ballistic and terrifying names of courses Quantum Mechanics, Non linear Dynamics and blah blah.. are on my plate this time. And they don't seem too unpalatable as they are made out to be.
* Had a low key class presentation today and it went well. So what's so peculiar about that? Actually from now on , every little success would be celebrated. So I am taking some friends of mine for a coffee at the BARISTA's. All these little things which we forget to rejoice ... in our life-long trail of the eternal joy.. really should not be allowed to slip past us... get hold of them and kiss every joy that comes your way.
* This calls for a hurray. Finally I have incorporated neatness and organization back into my life. Although I miss my shabby clothes and cluttered table like anything ..still there is a certain divinity in being clean. Scheming things well in advance leaves you asking for that thrill which uncertainty throws at you ... but at least all the uncalled for sorrows also get a good bye. Its real nice to sleep on a clean bed without a pen pinching against your back all night!!
*Caravan ..our Annual one day event is due and I am eager to get a seat and enjoy it. A bit of hooting.. some melodrama.. some perky numbers being danced upon..it makes at least one gloomy evening..... Okay.. Musical..is the word.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
New Year....Really?
Sorry people for this long an absence from the arena. Actually all my ideas have dried up and my thoughts have locked themselves in some closet. How can someone spill with an empty stomach? But much like those waves that hit the shore and return to the sea...I keep resurfacing and vanishing.
Although, I had thought that 2009 would start with at least some optimism and hope, it has been no less a disaster. Little mishaps, huge mistakes and broken dreams. Apart from a new habit ( of washing linen.. and folding my clothes crease per crease ..), which has been picked up because I want to see if I am the same hostel guy I was once ..there are no positives to be had from the first 20 days of January.
As always, I have a line of goals filling up my journal , some crying out really loud to be realized and some pretty sure of themselves never coming to fruition. 2009 , has started up with fraud cases. Moral decadence is on an all time high. And as I am writing, boyfriend of one of my closest friends is struggling in a Lucknow ICU , battling a lever gone awry. Resolutions are already being broken everyday!!
Never really intended my first post of the year to be such low key and morose. All of you, like me, are fond of flashy beginnings. Also a silent end is what we normally anticipate. So, I must not flee without offering you some hope.
While Obama churns out his rhetoric speeches day in and day out ( God!! He must be speaking the truth..) , I would only say that nothing stays. Be it pain or some joy.. things once started have to have an end. So while we lie down and let out a groan which dies in the pillow... while our tears roll down our cheeks in memory of loses and harsh words of love-never-to-be reverberate in our ear canal.. we should only remember that all these things would pass. And one day when we would look back , we would only find that there is no reason big enough to shed your precious tears for. If need be, weep for the masses. Personal deadlocks and crises need to be dealt with fortitude. At the end of the day, endurance fetches a smile. Good times don't last but they never go too far from you.
Enough of humbug. I have no idea what I have written. I seriously think that whenever I go back and read ...correct for my mistakes , cull out a sentence or two.. or may be tag some ornate line..I am being manipulative. And a writer even if he writes awful, should write the truth.
I was pretty much out of the scene and so missed out on so many interesting posts which you might have put up on blogosphere. Perhaps now... I would read ....Lets see!!
Although, I had thought that 2009 would start with at least some optimism and hope, it has been no less a disaster. Little mishaps, huge mistakes and broken dreams. Apart from a new habit ( of washing linen.. and folding my clothes crease per crease ..), which has been picked up because I want to see if I am the same hostel guy I was once ..there are no positives to be had from the first 20 days of January.
As always, I have a line of goals filling up my journal , some crying out really loud to be realized and some pretty sure of themselves never coming to fruition. 2009 , has started up with fraud cases. Moral decadence is on an all time high. And as I am writing, boyfriend of one of my closest friends is struggling in a Lucknow ICU , battling a lever gone awry. Resolutions are already being broken everyday!!
Never really intended my first post of the year to be such low key and morose. All of you, like me, are fond of flashy beginnings. Also a silent end is what we normally anticipate. So, I must not flee without offering you some hope.
While Obama churns out his rhetoric speeches day in and day out ( God!! He must be speaking the truth..) , I would only say that nothing stays. Be it pain or some joy.. things once started have to have an end. So while we lie down and let out a groan which dies in the pillow... while our tears roll down our cheeks in memory of loses and harsh words of love-never-to-be reverberate in our ear canal.. we should only remember that all these things would pass. And one day when we would look back , we would only find that there is no reason big enough to shed your precious tears for. If need be, weep for the masses. Personal deadlocks and crises need to be dealt with fortitude. At the end of the day, endurance fetches a smile. Good times don't last but they never go too far from you.
Enough of humbug. I have no idea what I have written. I seriously think that whenever I go back and read ...correct for my mistakes , cull out a sentence or two.. or may be tag some ornate line..I am being manipulative. And a writer even if he writes awful, should write the truth.
I was pretty much out of the scene and so missed out on so many interesting posts which you might have put up on blogosphere. Perhaps now... I would read ....Lets see!!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
On Allahabad...
So where was this mouse all these days? Hibernating? Perhaps. Thinking? Sure. Holidaying? What? Who does that in winters? Well, this mouse does that. Even if it takes a "Science Conclave" to entice my parents in letting me loose. Even if that means skipping an odd hour discussion with Nobel Laureates in Physics and scampering in the streets of Allahabad.
Allahabad is a "[i]town". Coz it doesn't have plush hotels, posh localities, glittering roads, girls in skimpy skirts and choking tees.. In India that is just a way of demarcating "retained" culture from a lifestyle gone awry. But I like this city( if I may call it)!! Centuries of antiquity runs all through the veins of this ancient place. Our group skipped the morning jargon due at the Conclave and fitted in an auto(somehow!!) and headed straight to sangam. For those who may not know, Sangam means confluence. Here Ganges, Yamuna and Saraswati mingle. Although Saraswati is not traceable anymore. But you can easily make out the two sacred rivers from their colors. Green Yamuna and placid white ganga make quite a sight. A morning boat-ride to their meeting place is a fantastic experience. Gust of wind across your face, a cool caress of water when you dip and sway your hands, flight of the seagulls....someone like me would surely get a high!!
And then I went to check out Anand Bhawan; the residence of the NEHRUs in the yesteryears. The antic was sublime and everything seemed to have been painted with poise and grace. I could almost fathom the Congress meetings, hear those momentous decisions. How young Indira Gandhi must have frolicked around in the lawn..everything seemed swirling before my eyes. On a light note, how can you live among the masses despite living in such opulence? But the NEHRUs did that. With their lives.
* I am over the moon having received an award( Ok...I can hear your claps..) .Not a glittering trophy.. not a certificate with my name scribbled so ornately that I can hardly make out my name!!...It's just a warm comment. Somehow words are still the warmest things you can give to someone. Words. They can make your winter warm. And your summers cold. Thanks Afaque for the honor. My lips have carved one of the widest smiles.. in years.
*And I shall resume my blog-role in full swing , January onwards. Its Christmas,New Year and Resolution time. Once again bring forth your palms and swear. Run to a gift shop and buy a New Year Card. Or look for socks containing gifts. No matter what you do, just remain happy. That's really all you gotta do.
Ciao.
Allahabad is a "[i]town". Coz it doesn't have plush hotels, posh localities, glittering roads, girls in skimpy skirts and choking tees.. In India that is just a way of demarcating "retained" culture from a lifestyle gone awry. But I like this city( if I may call it)!! Centuries of antiquity runs all through the veins of this ancient place. Our group skipped the morning jargon due at the Conclave and fitted in an auto(somehow!!) and headed straight to sangam. For those who may not know, Sangam means confluence. Here Ganges, Yamuna and Saraswati mingle. Although Saraswati is not traceable anymore. But you can easily make out the two sacred rivers from their colors. Green Yamuna and placid white ganga make quite a sight. A morning boat-ride to their meeting place is a fantastic experience. Gust of wind across your face, a cool caress of water when you dip and sway your hands, flight of the seagulls....someone like me would surely get a high!!
And then I went to check out Anand Bhawan; the residence of the NEHRUs in the yesteryears. The antic was sublime and everything seemed to have been painted with poise and grace. I could almost fathom the Congress meetings, hear those momentous decisions. How young Indira Gandhi must have frolicked around in the lawn..everything seemed swirling before my eyes. On a light note, how can you live among the masses despite living in such opulence? But the NEHRUs did that. With their lives.
* I am over the moon having received an award( Ok...I can hear your claps..) .Not a glittering trophy.. not a certificate with my name scribbled so ornately that I can hardly make out my name!!...It's just a warm comment. Somehow words are still the warmest things you can give to someone. Words. They can make your winter warm. And your summers cold. Thanks Afaque for the honor. My lips have carved one of the widest smiles.. in years.
*And I shall resume my blog-role in full swing , January onwards. Its Christmas,New Year and Resolution time. Once again bring forth your palms and swear. Run to a gift shop and buy a New Year Card. Or look for socks containing gifts. No matter what you do, just remain happy. That's really all you gotta do.
Ciao.
Friday, November 28, 2008
..Of Bombs, bullets, blood and break
** First things first. The Mumbai carnage has completely knocked me off. My favorite place, going all bloody, turning so ugly. A bunch of brain-washed youths, went berserk and brought the Momma--I--won't--sleep city to a standstill. The majestic Taj Hotel, that orange-domed beauty.. home to those pigeons..the dream elements that complete the picture of Mumbai. If you were ever to dream of Mumbai, pigeons would come there...flying and pecking on the grains strewn on the ground before the Gateway of India. Now that orange globe is all charred. From being an eyecandy to an eyesore. It's has been a disastrous metamorphosis. And all that brought about in some 48 hours!! I was so shocked by the whole development that I remained glued to the TV the whole day. For the first time in my life, I prayed for the death of someone. Yes. Call me a shrimp for that. But I want those terrorists dead. I know I am not the one with the gun in his hands. I, for that matter don't even have the power to sustain the recoil. But I am angry. And proper anger is all you need to hold a gun, for the right reasons.
** Exams were on. And the computer center remained occupied all through the day. Given that I had played truant and had killed time while all were pulling every last bit of hair out of their scalps, I had tons of notes to go through. In limited time, I had unlimited things to do. But I managed to do something, somehow. A friend of mine often reminds me of a way to turn even a dead fish into a pro- swimmer. When you know that an alligator is after you in the pool, you automatically start to swim!!!
** Home, here I come. On 2nd December, I am all set to dash to my place ( Ok. Don't laugh. It takes 33 hours by train. Every journey is supposed to end.) . I got to meet mom, dad and friends. I am very much a momma's kid. I pester her for money. I buy vegetables and all the groceries while I am around. There is a fun in doing that.
** It's quite possible that I might not be around to blog or converse on Orkut, this december. But, I hope that I won't be forgotten. Some might even miss me!! ( See..that beam on your face..!!).
Till then go for a different movie all-together. This theatre is closed because the owner hasn't paid his taxes and is absconding. Probably I would resurface when the time is right.
Chao. Have a nice time.
** Exams were on. And the computer center remained occupied all through the day. Given that I had played truant and had killed time while all were pulling every last bit of hair out of their scalps, I had tons of notes to go through. In limited time, I had unlimited things to do. But I managed to do something, somehow. A friend of mine often reminds me of a way to turn even a dead fish into a pro- swimmer. When you know that an alligator is after you in the pool, you automatically start to swim!!!
** Home, here I come. On 2nd December, I am all set to dash to my place ( Ok. Don't laugh. It takes 33 hours by train. Every journey is supposed to end.) . I got to meet mom, dad and friends. I am very much a momma's kid. I pester her for money. I buy vegetables and all the groceries while I am around. There is a fun in doing that.
** It's quite possible that I might not be around to blog or converse on Orkut, this december. But, I hope that I won't be forgotten. Some might even miss me!! ( See..that beam on your face..!!).
Till then go for a different movie all-together. This theatre is closed because the owner hasn't paid his taxes and is absconding. Probably I would resurface when the time is right.
Chao. Have a nice time.
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