"untitled enigma"

what do people normally do? first they introduce themselves and then their thoughts follow . they mesmerize us by their words and bingo they are bang on. before kicking off the flurry of posts on my blog , even I was thinking of giving you( and me!!) some rough idea about myself. turns out, that after offering you quite a bit of bull-shit since some three months, even a crumble of my persona has not been put on sale, not a speck of my idol has been unmasked to allow you to spit on me.

truth is ( universally opined by sages and duds alike) that describing oneself is very difficult. still, I am like an archer in a dark room with his hands on the switch. he knows he is close to the bulls-eye but he is trusting his instincts a tad more than he should. so the lights remain off.

First an overview of what I basically am. again this is my opinion and they can vary just like the waist sizes. if you dissect me well enough and pry me deep , perhaps you might nod with me. for the beginners, well you have nothing but my words to go by. if you can smell my sentences and have honed your skill of gauging someone just by his words... it might help.

okay, here I shoot.



1) I am so unpredictable that even I don't know what I am gonna do the very next second. what follows is a chaos around me .. "what the f...? how could you do this?? were you out of your mind then?" is the usual reaction that issues ( who listens??) . I love to surprise people. when one is surprised, his reactions are very genuine because there is not enough time left to tamper one's response and then present it.

2) I am very self destructive. if you are one of my well-wishers , you would know how hard it is for you to keep me on track. I invariably act contrary to your expectation and all you can do is just pray that I come out clean. I have managed to somehow carve a niche for myself but not before my ass was charred owing to my recklessness. someone once told me "parivesh can't do without his share of fun with adversities.". tell you what, he was damn right.

3) I am a motormouth. if you are my friend , trust me you would be sick of my prolixity. I have a switch somewhere that turns itself on at the slightest pretext of a group discussion. all through my penance ( my parents think I have been very ascetic and have lived on my own coz of my studies... ironical indeed!!!) , my room has been a den. you have issues , come to me. the pedantic group assembles in my room and every pros and cons is taken care of. the rules roll out of my room. the guitars are strummed, people dance, the music overflows...

4) I am a sentimental fool. if you are in my good books , you are in there for life. its not that people close to me have never forsaken me and that I have been successful in gluing them to myself. I have lost some of them and they don't even look at me anymore. but I don't chuck people out from the inner territory. If you have infiltrated , you would be held captive. I weep at times. I think tears are a good medium to wash away your sorrow. although I don't particularly like the stains that are left on the pillow and the sticky bedewed cheeks after I am done with sobbing.

4) I am no saint. I have had reservations about some people being my friend. To be very honest, I don't like them... there is a clash of opinions and I am not the one to keep shut and see my thoughts being culled by stupid hands. I am not hostile , as in that I won't go out of my ways to knock off my enemies and bite their ear off( but my curses suffice..) . I would have loved to be accommodating enough to allow my so called foes some space in my life but unfortunately all of them are control freaks. they would wreck havoc in my life if they were to lay their fingers on it.

5) I am a freelancer. an amateur poet, a not-so-funny clown, a "someone-in-your-life" who can make you normal if your-chips-are-down but only when I am asked to do that.

6) I am an admirer of beauty. beauty hits me in the eye, but if you are haughty it digs a dagger within. I don't drool but hey!! I do cast a look if someone ravishing swings past me. the same old funda "nature-first-attitude next..beauty can wait " applies to me as well.

7) deep within I want to put on some weight and fade some of my melanin ( all because of you girls !!! ) . but I am okay with it if God doesn't decide to swirl his wand and metamorphose me 180 degrees in this life ( very unlikely to happen).

8) I am not a very egoist person but my ego is not an ant hill either. I believe in keeping things simple and straight. I absolutely hate back--stabbing. I am very fine with criticism ( in fact praising me might make me skeptical about your sanity !!!). I like photography though I am certainly not a pro.

9) I love singing and my voice is not very crass ( that is what mom tells me... again I am doubtful.) . I don't pronounce "T" very well. this flaw is not very grave but still it was a botheration when some people chided "PALLIVESH ..how ya doing?". I don't pronounce "T" as "L"!!!!

10) I am an angry fountain. and anger blinds me like fog. but sanity soon comes knocking and I resume. I know hell many of abuses but never treat guys ( not even my enemies to the choicest vocabs). I learnt them as somebody told me that in the meet-and-muster world you can't do without slangs. I smoke , occasionally when I am down but I have never touched alcohol. I don't deem the drinkers to be outcasts or outlaws. it is just that I don't feel like consuming spirit.

11) I am a movie buff. I am not one of those guys who think that watching Hollywood movies is something very stylish. hell!! if the film is nice.. I can watch any movie. for languages other than Hindi and English , I would need subtitles. I have seen THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION at least 24 times and the count is on. I love listening to music and anything coming under the "good melody" category is fine with me. The jazz, the blues, the punk, the hard rock... also I love bollywood songs if they are original ones. Kishore Da is my absolute favorite.




the layers are gradually getting laid before your eyes. savor it or hate it, your choice. the curtain shall unfurl more as the wagon wheel of time keeps turning.


for now, this should suffice. I think by now , you have had enough of it. anyways , read on...